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You may have to meet with more than one to find the right fit. It's important that both spouses feel comfortable with the therapist, so keep trying until you find the right person. If you answered "yes" to most of these questions, then you are statistically higher risk for divorce. It does not mean that divorce is inevitable. But it may mean that you have to work much harder to keep your relationship on track.
A marriage counselor can help you with that work. Spouses who have realistic expectations of one another and their marriage, communicate well, use conflict resolution skills, and are compatible with one another are less at risk for divorce. They still may benefit from counseling at times of transition or simply to reinforce their communication skills and strong connection. Sue Johnson. Research shows that this treatment is long-lasting and helpful with those of different ethnic and cultural backgrounds as well.
One study , for example, looked at the effectiveness of couples' therapy in a group of veterans, with variation in age and race, and found it to be generally effective, with relationships still improved 18 months after treatment. Another study from also found improvements lasting 24 months after treatment. Research published in found EFT helpful in couples experiencing infertility. There are also ways to gauge if counseling will actually work for your marriage. Counselors suggest that different types of couples may get more out of marriage counseling. If your marriage is more like these, counseling may not be effective for you.
That doesn't mean you should give up, but have realistic expectations. John Gottman's research looks at happy couples for solutions. He has discovered that even though all couples experience conflict in their marriages, happy couples apparently know how to handle their disagreements because of a foundation of affection and friendship. Seth Bender is a marriage and family therapist with specialized training and experience in helping couples heal their relationships, improve communication, release resentments, and achieve new levels of enjoyment and fulfillment with each other.
He practices Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy to help you strengthen your bond, as well as positive, empowering and solution focused coaching strategies to help you both take positive action in your relationship. Dori is a kind, empathetic couples counselor, individual therapist, and life coach who specializes in sex therapy, and helping couples create healthy emotional and sexual intimacy. Her friendly style makes it safe to talk about anything, and her solution-focused approach helps you move past the past, and into a bright new future of intimacy and connection.
Her warm, competent style will put you both at ease and help you find new solutions to old problems. We Have Answers. If you have more questions about Marriage Counseling , we are happy to answer them in person. Schedule a free consultation session with one of our expert marriage counselors today. Call for personal assistance in scheduling. In a private, professional environment we can get to know each other, you can talk about your hopes for your relationship, and start moving forward together in mending your marriage.
What do good marriage counselors actually do? Learn about the art and science of relationship repair Everything you need to prepare for your free consultation. Was that just a yucky fight? Or is your relationship really in trouble? You shouldn't be in marriage counseling for years. Learn how long effective, evidence based marriage counseling usually takes to work.
Getting expert help for your marriage can be the best, most life-changing decision you ever make. It can also be surprisingly affordable. Does Insurance Cover Marriage Counseling? How To Choose a Marriage Counselor.
Not all marriage counselors are the same. Here's how to find the right marriage counselor Does Marriage Counseling Work? Marriage counseling has been shown by countless research studies to be effective and long lasting.
How to Find a Good Marriage Counselor
Here's what the research has to say Online marriage counseling can be incredibly convenient and effective. But it's not appropriate for everyone. Learn more Couples who successfully work though rough patches come out stronger than ever before. Here are their stories.. By Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Oct 10, 0 Comments. Lisa Marie Bobby Oct 3, 1 Comment. Lisa Marie Bobby Sep 16, 2 Comments. By Hunter Tolman Aug 28, 0 Comments. In all honesty, many relationship challenges are simply challenges in communication.
A therapist can help facilitate new ways to communicate with each other. Once communication has deteriorated, often it is hard to get it going back in the right direction.
What Is Couples Therapy?
Negative communication can include anything that leaves one partner feeling judged, shamed, disregarded, insecure or wanting to withdraw from the conversation. Negative communication can escalate into emotional abuse as well as non-verbal communication. When you're afraid to talk. When it's just too frightening to even bring issues up.
This can be anything from sex to money, or even annoying little habits that are being blown out of proportion. A therapist's job is to help a couple become clear about their issues and to help them understand what they are truly talking about. When affection is withheld as punishment. My client Ann's ex-husband would get angry over small things and then withhold affection including giving her the silent treatment. If one partner starts to act as a "parent" or "punisher," there is a lack of balance in the relationship.
When you see your partner as an antagonist. You and your partner are not adversaries; you are on the same team. If it begins to feel as if you are on different sides, then it's time to seek help. When you keep secrets. Each person in a relationship has a right to privacy, but when you keep secrets from each other, something isn't right. When you contemplate or are having an affair. Fantasizing about an affair is a signal that you desire something different from what you currently have. While it is possible for a relationship to survive after one partner has had an affair, it's prudent to get some help before that happens.
If both of you are committed to the therapy process and are being honest, the marriage may be salvaged. At the very least, you may both come to realize that it is healthier for both of you to move on.